The Fear of Living

WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:05.080 Hey, what's up world? Welcome to snack size, the podcast that will 2 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:09.869 drag you into your most fabulous life. I'm your host, La La Lushous, 3 00:00:10.109 --> 00:00:13.669 also known as the snack of the twin cities. I decided for myself 4 00:00:13.789 --> 00:00:16.629 that I can be whatever I want to be. So I decided to be 5 00:00:16.789 --> 00:00:20.629 a drag queen, and if I can live my dreams, you can to. 6 00:00:21.070 --> 00:00:24.899 The time has come to believing yourself enough to turn your ideas into more 7 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:27.980 than mere words, and, no matter what you are doing in life or 8 00:00:28.019 --> 00:00:31.500 where you want to go, I want to help you get there fabulously. 9 00:00:32.020 --> 00:00:40.609 Our ten minutes starts now. Hey, snacks, this is episode six of 10 00:00:40.729 --> 00:00:45.210 snack size. Today we are going to discuss a topic that many people struggle 11 00:00:45.210 --> 00:00:49.289 with on their path to a happy and successful life. But before we jump 12 00:00:49.329 --> 00:00:53.640 into that, I have some really exciting news. I ran a contest on 13 00:00:53.719 --> 00:00:58.280 my social media where two of my listeners who went in Alyssa Edwards eyeshadow Pallid, 14 00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:02.079 and I have the names of the true lucky listeners who won. Drum 15 00:01:02.119 --> 00:01:11.189 roll please, consnaculations to joy and Alexander. I've already sent you both an 16 00:01:11.230 --> 00:01:14.030 email, so just reply and I'll get that right in the mail to you. 17 00:01:14.549 --> 00:01:18.510 By the way, follow me on Instagram at La La Lushes, and 18 00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:26.299 you can get in on the next giveaway. So this episode is about fear 19 00:01:26.500 --> 00:01:32.060 and rejection, to common row blocks that you may find on your journey to 20 00:01:32.140 --> 00:01:37.010 a happy and fulfilled life. Both of these feelings tend to limit people from 21 00:01:37.090 --> 00:01:41.530 going after what they want and from taking risks in fear that it won't work 22 00:01:41.569 --> 00:01:46.090 out the way they wanted to. I know this from firsthand experience in my 23 00:01:46.290 --> 00:01:49.200 own life, because I'm a part of a group of people that deal with 24 00:01:49.439 --> 00:01:55.560 fear and rejection almost every day. What Group of people am I talking about? 25 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:00.430 The Group of people I'm referring to is successful people. Successful people didn't 26 00:02:00.430 --> 00:02:05.870 become successful overnight, and it's usually the case that to find their success, 27 00:02:06.109 --> 00:02:09.189 they had to look fear and rejection in the face and move past it. 28 00:02:10.069 --> 00:02:15.189 They overcame the fear of taking a risk, the fear of rejection, the 29 00:02:15.349 --> 00:02:21.300 fear of failure, and pursued their goals. Sometimes things work out swimmingly and 30 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:25.060 sometimes they don't. Either way, if you don't put yourself out there, 31 00:02:25.300 --> 00:02:30.930 you won't ever know what will happen. For example, as a drag queen 32 00:02:30.090 --> 00:02:35.849 whose goal is to ultimately entertain a room full of people. I get very 33 00:02:35.969 --> 00:02:39.250 nervous about my choices when it comes to my performances. There is that inner 34 00:02:39.449 --> 00:02:45.879 sabature that is always asking, will your audience like this performance? Is it 35 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:50.599 even funny? Will they understand it? Something I had to learn was to 36 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:54.319 quiet this voice and not operate out of fear. I never want to let 37 00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:59.949 fear define the art that I am producing. So for you, you must 38 00:02:59.990 --> 00:03:04.949 remember that your fears are not in any way an indicator of your ability or 39 00:03:05.069 --> 00:03:08.629 potential. All it means is that you care about something enough not to let 40 00:03:08.669 --> 00:03:13.659 it fail. Furthermore, if you don't have times when you are fearful, 41 00:03:14.099 --> 00:03:17.819 then you are probably pursuing something your heart isn't in and you'll want to reevaluate 42 00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:23.020 what you truly want from your life. And if you are fearful, let's 43 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:25.939 take this episode and talk about some of the ways you can overcome in so 44 00:03:27.099 --> 00:03:30.289 that you can get to living you're happy and fulfilled life. I want to 45 00:03:30.370 --> 00:03:35.889 let you in on a little secret about fear and rejection. When you have 46 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:39.169 these emotions, it can often feel like you were the only one going through 47 00:03:39.250 --> 00:03:44.560 it. You are worried about what will happen if you take a risk and 48 00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:50.120 what people will think of you if it fails. The secret is that everyone 49 00:03:50.280 --> 00:03:53.719 feels fear and rejection in life. It's a natural part of being a human 50 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:59.590 being and from that perspective, you aren't ever alone in your feelings. Fear 51 00:03:59.789 --> 00:04:03.870 can sometimes even feel paralyzing. Some studies even say that fear can kill you. 52 00:04:04.349 --> 00:04:10.939 However, millions of people over hundreds of years have survived and overcome fear 53 00:04:11.340 --> 00:04:15.379 and and it's likely that you will too. But what sometimes doesn't survive fear 54 00:04:15.620 --> 00:04:19.379 is people's dreams and goals for their life. So if you are going to 55 00:04:19.420 --> 00:04:25.009 fear anything, it shouldn't be the fear of being rejected or fear of failing 56 00:04:25.050 --> 00:04:30.689 or taking a risk. You should fear never beginning to live. When we 57 00:04:30.850 --> 00:04:33.649 think about what it takes to overcome fear, remember that as humans, we 58 00:04:33.769 --> 00:04:39.120 have a natural instinct for survival. So you will always think of reasons not 59 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:42.800 to take a chance, then reasons to go for it. The key here 60 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:46.600 is not to put weight on what you have to lose, but rather what 61 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:49.079 you have to gain. This is because the risk you are about to take 62 00:04:49.480 --> 00:04:54.149 just might be the thing that takes you where you want to go, or 63 00:04:54.310 --> 00:04:58.470 even two places that you never imagined. And even if that doesn't happen, 64 00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:01.709 and there will be many times that it won't, there will always be things 65 00:05:01.750 --> 00:05:08.100 you'll gain from trying. Every time you confront your fears, it becomes easier 66 00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:12.740 to push through the next time it happens. Ultimately, you will be braver, 67 00:05:13.420 --> 00:05:17.139 smarter and more resilient when your dreams do come true. I believe that 68 00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:21.250 the right things always find you, but you may have to fight for them, 69 00:05:21.689 --> 00:05:26.850 and part of that fight is overcoming your fears and taking the risk to 70 00:05:26.930 --> 00:05:31.529 chase your dreams. Another important part of facing fear is the ability to be 71 00:05:31.689 --> 00:05:39.319 vulnerable. We often equate vulnerability to weakness. For example, if you don't 72 00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:42.800 lock your door when you leave your house, you were going to be vulnerable 73 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:46.959 to a burglary, or if you don't take care of yourself, your body 74 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:51.029 is vulnerable to getting sick. But in the perspective of growing, changing and 75 00:05:51.269 --> 00:05:59.550 achieving vulnerability is actually a strength. Writer and researcher Dr Brene Brown says in 76 00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:04.899 her book daring greatly, vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, 77 00:06:05.459 --> 00:06:12.019 courage, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in 78 00:06:12.139 --> 00:06:17.100 our purpose or deeper and more meaningful lives, vulnerability is the path. Taking 79 00:06:17.139 --> 00:06:23.290 a risk means being vulnerable. o Your vulnerability for the complicated, messy, 80 00:06:23.730 --> 00:06:27.769 very human quality that it is. Keep it in mind that it is one 81 00:06:27.810 --> 00:06:31.569 of the best things about you. If being vulnerable it is something that you 82 00:06:31.810 --> 00:06:36.480 struggle with, take some time to think about why that is. If you 83 00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:41.920 were anything like how I used to be, if a situation needed me to 84 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:46.360 be vulnerable, I would clench up, shut people loud and put up an 85 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:50.829 emotional wall. Every time I did this, I thought I was protecting myself, 86 00:06:51.430 --> 00:06:56.629 and while I certainly was protecting myself from getting hurt or being rejected, 87 00:06:57.029 --> 00:07:01.579 I was also shutting out opportunity these and experiences that could potentially benefit me as 88 00:07:01.660 --> 00:07:06.459 well. Part of being vulnerable is knowing that you will have to be open 89 00:07:06.660 --> 00:07:12.019 to good and bad things on your journey, but you also must believe that 90 00:07:12.139 --> 00:07:15.569 you are strong enough to handle both of them when they happen. It doesn't 91 00:07:15.569 --> 00:07:20.569 matter if there is disappointment or rejection. You have to trust that you can 92 00:07:21.050 --> 00:07:26.209 and will make it to where you want to be anyway. This is how 93 00:07:26.290 --> 00:07:30.480 you release the fear of being vulnerable and allow your goals and dreams to manifest 94 00:07:30.680 --> 00:07:36.120 in your life. Everything we do is driven by three things. The first 95 00:07:36.319 --> 00:07:43.160 is thoughts, the second is feelings and the last is actions. The first 96 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:46.189 two have more influence than the third. What I mean is is that it 97 00:07:46.310 --> 00:07:50.949 is easy to let your thoughts and feelings rule over your actions. Today, 98 00:07:51.389 --> 00:07:57.110 the feelings we are talking about our fear and rejection, and we're most people 99 00:07:57.230 --> 00:08:01.899 get stuck is that they let themselves build up more of those feelings than feeling 100 00:08:01.019 --> 00:08:07.060 courage or self worth. As a drag Queen, my biggest struggle was with 101 00:08:07.339 --> 00:08:09.899 rejection, as I discussed before. I doubt with a lot of it when 102 00:08:09.899 --> 00:08:13.930 I decided that I wanted to do drag. So I've come up with a 103 00:08:15.009 --> 00:08:20.250 little metaphor to help you with rejection. And since we love snacks, it's 104 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:26.250 all about a vending machine. So let's pretend you are a snack. Take 105 00:08:26.290 --> 00:08:30.519 a moment to decide which snack you want to be today. I am going 106 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:35.039 to be a delicious rice crispy treat. So you and I are in a 107 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:39.080 vending machine, both of looking like delicious snacks and a customer comes up and 108 00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:43.789 pick someone else for their snack. Our natural reaction would be, well, 109 00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:48.750 why didn't you pick me? Am I not delicious enough? A second customer 110 00:08:48.870 --> 00:08:54.269 comes to the vending machine and picks you. At this point I might be 111 00:08:54.509 --> 00:08:58.899 panicking. Why didn't I get picked? Maybe I'm not in the right spot 112 00:08:58.019 --> 00:09:01.740 in this vending machine. Do they even know I'm here? And then, 113 00:09:03.059 --> 00:09:07.379 finally, a third customer comes to the vending machine and picks me for their 114 00:09:07.419 --> 00:09:11.169 snack. When dealing with rejection, remember that what you want to offer the 115 00:09:11.210 --> 00:09:16.490 world may not be for everyone. A lot of people will say no to 116 00:09:16.570 --> 00:09:20.690 you, but what matters is the people that say yes. So, instead 117 00:09:20.690 --> 00:09:24.720 of thinking why not me? Be Patient, be focused, don't doubt what 118 00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.879 you have and, without a doubt, it is going to be the case 119 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:33.279 that many people will pick you for their snack. To wrap up this episode, 120 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:37.960 I want to leave you with a quote from my favorite author, Maya 121 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:43.350 Angelo. She once said what is the fear of living? It's being pre 122 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:46.990 eminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do 123 00:09:48.549 --> 00:09:54.539 out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself. 124 00:09:54.980 --> 00:09:58.580 For the time you take up in the space you occupy. If you 125 00:09:58.700 --> 00:10:03.460 don't know what you'R to do, then just do some good. In light 126 00:10:03.539 --> 00:10:05.980 of this quote, I want to discuss one more fear, and that is 127 00:10:07.059 --> 00:10:09.610 the fear of the unknown. If you are someone who doesn't know what they 128 00:10:09.690 --> 00:10:16.210 want in life, that is one hundred percent okay. Not Knowing sometimes seems 129 00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:20.370 scary, but it doesn't have to be if you commit to exploring what you're 130 00:10:20.409 --> 00:10:24.600 happy and fulfilled life looks like. If you want some help, remember you 131 00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:30.279 can always email me at La la at snack size podcastcom. We are all 132 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:33.440 in this journey together, so one thing you don't ever have to fear is 133 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:37.190 that you are alone. Until next time, see you later, snack. 134 00:10:39.710 --> 00:10:43.309 Hey Snack, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember you can get every 135 00:10:43.389 --> 00:10:48.909 episode of snack size on apple podcast, Google podcast and spotify. Let's keep 136 00:10:48.909 --> 00:10:52.539 the conversation going. If you have questions or feedback, don't be afraid to 137 00:10:52.580 --> 00:10:58.059 say hello at Lala at snack size podcastcom. And if you want to support 138 00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:03.659 my podcast, head on over to paypal dot me for its last snack size 139 00:11:03.740 --> 00:11:05.809 podcast. Until next time, go be fabulous.